


Making Conversation

by ConsultingCaffrey



Category: White Collar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:17:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6799753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConsultingCaffrey/pseuds/ConsultingCaffrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just random snippets of conversation between our beloved White Collar characters</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I haven't been posting much, I've been working on another big project, which I am so excited about and can't wait to share! Don't worry. I still plan on continuing 100 Questions and Neal Caffreys, so there's some more chapters in the making. Thank you so much for your patience, I'll shut up now
> 
> PS: This is completely random. Don't try to understand it...

Peter Burke is online

James Bonds: Peter, you know you can change your name to something much cooler...

Peter Burke: Why? This is my name. And speaking of names, what's with yours?

James Bonds: You like it?

Peter Burke: I should never have told you that story...

James Bonds: I'm keeping it.

Peter Burke: Good for you. Mine is staying the way it is.

CJones is online

CJones: So this is what you two do

Peter Burke: Slow day. Let me guess, Caffrey told you.

James Bonds: Admit nothing, Clinton

CJones: Yes he did

CJones: I see you over there giving me the stinkeye

Peter Burke: Guys, let's just get back to work. Neal, quit telling everyone to chat with you on this stupid app. You're disrupting my agents.

CJones is offline

James Bonds: D: You scared him off

Peter Burke: Good. My office please

Peter Burke is offline

-)()(-

Satchmo2 is online

Satchmo2: Neal...

James Bonds: Yes

Satchmo2: How did you change my name

Satchmo2: Actually, I don't want to know

Satchmo2 is now Agent Burke

Agent Burke: Don't mess with my settings again.

Agent Burke is now Sour Grapes

Sour Grapes: Neal!

James Bonds: I was giving you a better representation

Sour Grapes: Leave my settings alone. I thought you were an art thief, not a hacker

James Bonds: I was never convicted for art theft

Sour Grapes: You know what I meant

Sour Grapes is now Agent Burke

Agent Burke: Touch my stuff again and I'll put you on house arrest

James Bonds: That wouldn't solve your problem

Agent Burke: You're my problem

James Bonds: Aw~

Agent Burke: Don't use the squiggly with me

James Bonds: ~~~

Agent Burke is offline

-)()(-

Suit is online

Suit: Where did you just go

Suit: Neal

Suit: Hey

Suit: If you don't answer me in the next five seconds...

Suit: Dammit Neal if you're up to something again I will force you to drink decaf for a week and take away every drawing utensil you own

James Bonds is now ReallyPeter?

ReallyPeter?: Really Peter...

Suit: Where have you been?

ReallyPeter?: Am I not allowed to go get coffee?

Suit: Not when I know you and the little guy have been acting fishy

ReallyPeter?: Oh yes because I'm just going to walk out in the middle of the day on a Wednesday to go plot and scheme a heist

ReallyPeter?: You insult me

Suit: And you've pulled off worse things

ReallyPeter?: Come get your coffee

Logging off...

-)()(-

Burke the Jerk is online

Burke the Jerk is now Agent Burke

Agent Burke: Seriously Neal...

Diana is online

CJones is online

Diana: Neat idea, Peter

Agent Burke: Yeah, well this case is a big one. I figure if we can coordinate from home, things will get done faster

CJones: Neal joining us?

Agent Burke: Should be. But we can get started without him

Diana: It's not like him to be late

Agent Burke: I'll give him a call

CJones: Got my coffee, got my file, got my favorite pjs

CJones: This is gonna be a long night

Diana: You're such a dork...

CJones: And proud

Agent Burke: He's ignoring me

Diana: Another lover's spat?

Agent Burke: The usual. Let's just get started.

-)()(-

Agent Burke is online

Daisy is online

Agent Burke: Well it's nice to log in and not have a dumb username for once

Daisy: Does Neal even have this app anymore? I haven't seen him on in a while.

Agent Burke: You talk to Neal on here?

Daisy: And Mozzie

Agent Burke: ...

Daisy: *kisses* Love you, hon

Agent Burke: Yeah, love you too

Agent Burke: Headed to work?

Daisy: Yep

Daisy: At the office, I take it?

Agent Burke: Yeah had to head in early. But that means I'll be home early

Daisy: Dinner will be ready

Agent Burke: Have a good day

Daisy: You too

Daisy is offline

-)()(-

Agent Berk is online

Agent Berk: Agent Berk? Really? What is that?

James Bonds: How to train your dragon?

Agent Berk: ...

James Bonds: You're hopeless

Agent Berk is now Mario

Mario: No

Mario is now Butch

James Bonds is now Sundance

Sundance: Aha! Perfect

Butch: You are a child

Sundance: You can't blame me for being bored

Butch: I can and I will

Sundance: You stuck me down here with this... atrocity you call a case file

Butch: Which you should be working on right now

Sundance: No

Butch: Excuse me?

Sundance: Make me

Butch: I will come down there

Butch is now offline

Butch is now online

Sundance: ;)

Butch: Not funny

Sundance: I said I was bored, I never said I didn't finish what I was doing

Butch: There's plenty more you could be doing

Sundance: Well I'm talking to you right now

Butch is offline

-)()(-

James Bonds: can I ask you a question 

Peter Burke: Shoot

Peter Burke: You still there...

Peter Burke: Hey what question

James Bonds: nvm

Logging off...

-)()(-

Agent Angry is online

James Bonds: Here we go...

Agent Angry is now Agent Burke

Agent Burke: Yeah here we go

Agent Burke: Get up here. I'm not lecturing you through text

James Bonds: I'm really okay down here thanks

Agent Burke: Office

Agent Burke: Now

James Bonds: Relax

Logging off...

-)()(-

Agent Burke is online

James Bonds: Hey so remember that thing you told me not to do and I said I'd try not to do the thing? well that thing you told me not to do, I just did it, and now I think I shouldn't have done the thing

Agent Burke: Are you drunk

James Bonds is now Very Drunk

Very Drink: Yes. yes I am

Agent Burke: Where are you? Are you with Carlton?!

Very Drunk: Yez

Agent Burke: Dammit Neal! I told you we'd handle this one carefully!

Very Drunk: Hey he asked me out fora drink. what was I supposed to do?

Agent Burke: SAY NO

Agent Burke: I'm on my way. For the love of god don't do anything stupid!

Very Drunk: The stupid already bee. done

Very Drunk: been done

-)()(-

Sarah Ellis is online

Sarah Ellis: I hear you fucked up

James Bonds: You heard wrong

James Bonds: And really? You log in now?

Sarah Ellis: Oh no I think I heard right. Maybe refresh me on the details ;)

James Bonds: Nothing to tell

Sarah Ellis: That's not what Peter said

James Bonds: Peter didn't even see it

Sarah Ellis: Oh so you admit it happened

James Bonds: I admitted to nothing

James Bonds: So, we still on for tonight?

Sarah Ellis: You can't change the subject

Sarah Ellis: But yes we are

James Bonds: *smooches*

James Bonds: Then I'll see you then~

Logging off...

-)()(-

The Suit is online

James Bonds: Suit

The Suit: Neal

James Bonds: Guess again

The Suit: Mozzie?

James Bonds: Correct

The Suit: Why do you have Neal's phone...

James Bonds: Reasons

The Suit: Give it back please.

James Bonds: This is Neal

The Suit: Mozzie...

James Bonds: How did you know it was me?!

The Suit: I always know it's you

James Bonds: Sorry about that, I was making dinner. What's up?

The Suit: Actually I was going to invite you over, but if you're already making something..

James Bonds: Nah, I can bring it over. As long as Elizabeth doesn't mind.

The Suit: She says you're more than welcome

James Bonds: ;D Omw

Logging off...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was an unexpected little detour, but I got reminded of how much fun this was, so I had to immediately write more. Sorry not sorry

Logging on...

Login failed

Logging on...

Login failed

"Dammit..."

Logging on...

James Bonds: I'm c djdkn

James Bonds: fuck . hop m

James Bonds: don't mean to seat

James Bonds: autocrat

James Bonds: come get me

Agent Burke: Um...

James Bonds: don't laugh

James Bonds: I'm wet. Phone shot

Agent Burke: Where are you?

James Bonds: Fish

Agent Burke: Call me. NOW.

James Bonds: can't hear

James Bonds: they

Agent Burke: Neal what is going on? You're not making any sense. TALK TO ME.

Agent Burke: Neal!

Agent Burke: I'm gonna try tracking your phone. You better have GPS on.

James Bonds: what

Agent Burke: Turn your location on, dammit!

James Bonds: this phone sucks why are you yelling at me...

James Bonds: why am I wet

James Bonds: oh wait... Nvm don't do anything I got this

James Bonds: Peter for the love of god

-)()(-

Logging on...

Agent Burke: Get off your phone and do your work

James Bonds: oh please

Logging off...

Logging on...

Agent Burke: I can see you

Going Incognito...

James Bonds: Hey

Daisy: Is he suspicious?

James Bonds: Of course. So you've got the catering down, what about gifts? I need to know what you got him already.

Daisy: Baseball tickets and a new coffee maker. I plan on getting him and I a trip to California. Mozzie wants to help with that and I'm not gonna question it. Don't tell Peter.

James Bonds: Never

James Bonds: But toss California. I've got something better. Moz and I will take care of that, don't worry. You just get the coffee and the tickets. ;)

Daisy: Done deal. I'll see you tomorrow night!

James Bonds: See ya

Logging off...

-)()(-

Logging on...

James Bonds: How's paradise? I know you told me not to contact you unless someone was dying, so you don't have to respond to this, but I was just wondering about Satchmo. Which vet do you guys use? DON'T PANIC. He's okay. Just want to check out a spot on his leg. It looks like he's been biting at it. Anyway, I repeat, do not panic. All is being handled. 

Agent Burke: We use Dr Tillman. Number is on the fridge. Can you get a picture of him? El wants to see.

James Bonds: sent an attachment

Agent Burke: Of his LEG, Neal. But cute.

James Bonds: sent an attachment

Agent Burke: Ouch... Yeah, take him in. Let me know what the vet says.

James Bonds: Will do. Bring me back a souvenir.

Agent Burke: You'll get a keychain and you like it.

-)()(-

Agent Burke: You know, I never did tell you about how I got in contact with Kate. I was just thinking about it. Didn't want to tell you because I thought you two would run off together

Agent Burke: I can find anyone, you know. You especially. But you never made it easy. Guess that was why I liked you.

Agent Burke: I'm seeing a counselor by the way. El said it was a good idea. That's also why I'm writing to you. Or typing. Whatever.

Agent Burke: Seems pointless

Agent Burke: Took Satchmo to the vet again. His leg is flaring back up. Still don't know what he's allergic to. Thank you, by the way. For taking care of him. He always liked you.

Agent Burke: I know you're gone. I'm trying to be okay with that, but it's not easy. I do miss you. So does Mozzie. He comes over a lot now. I think he's lonely.

Agent Burke: Goodbye Neal...

Logging off...

-)()(-

Logging on...

Agent Burke: YOU SON OF A BITCH

VM: No need for name calling

Agent Burke: I hope you had a DAMN good reason for doing this to us. We had a funeral for you, Neal! Do you have any idea what it was like all this time?!

Agent Burke has been muted

VM: I'm on my way over. I have beer and scones.

VM: Tell El to call Mozzie. I don't have his number anymore.

VM: When you can play nice, I'll unmute you.

Agent Burke has been taken off mute

Agent Burke: Fine

Agent Burke: I hate scones

VM: I know

-)()(-

Logging on...

Login failed

"You've got to be kidding me..."

Logging on...

Login failed

"Piece of shit!"

Logging on...

"I swear to god, if you-"

Login failed

Logging on...

Login failed

Logging on...

DBear: message failed to send

"You've got to be SHITTING ME!"

DBear: message failed to send

DBear: BdksbdjsndkBXKSBKSBDJBFKDNVKVKVKFNCKCKBNN

DBear: Oh of course...

Mozart: ... Do I want to ask?

DBear: Don't start. How's Theo?

Connection failed

"...FU-!"

-)()(-

James Bonds: So

James Bonds: How's the wilderness retreat going?

James Bonds: Are you ignoring me

James Bonds: I mean, still?

James Bonds: Peter

James Bonds: Peeeeeter

James Bonds: At least let me know you're alive

James Bonds: I will send your wife out there. I'm sure she'd be fine with me watching Junior

Agent Burke: WIFI

Agent Burke: Sorry no service. AND YOU LEAVE EL OUT OF THIS

Agent Burke: Clingy

James Bonds: You didn't let me come

Agent Burke: The BUREAU didn't let you come, Victor Moreau

James Bonds: Are you saying you would have?

Agent Burke: No. Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna call my wife while I can.

James Bonds: I'm not clingy

-)()(-

Agent Burke: Call Moz - NC

Daisy: Neal? Calling him now

Daisy: Oh my god, are you two okay?

Daisy: Neal?

Agent Burke: Fine. Don't worry. Out soon.

Daisy: I want to talk to Peter

Agent Burke: Can't

Agent Burke: U there?

Daisy: I'm here. I'm with Jones. He wants to ask you some questions.

Agent Burke: K

Daisy: It's Jones. Can you tell me where you guys are in the building? We're outside.

Agent Burke: NW corner. Second floor.

Daisy: Good. Are you okay? Both of you. I need to know.

Agent Burke: sh

Daisy: Is Kepler there now?

Agent Burke: Was. We're ok. Phone dying

Daisy: Alright, just sit tight. We're coming in.

Agent Burke: El?

Daisy: I'm here.

Agent Burke: Azaleas

-)()(-

Logging in...

James Bonds: Did you take my hat? That's a new low for you.

Agent Burke: ...

Agent Burke: I definitely have better things to do than steal your fedora. 

-)()(-

James Bonds: Have you seen my hat

DBear: No

You've been muted

-)()(-

CJones: Looking for a hat?

James Bonds: please

CJones: Well I don't have it, I was just going to take the initiative and tell you ahead of time.

James Bonds: I see why you and Diana work so well together

-)()(-

Daisy: Hey

James Bonds: Hat?

Daisy: sent an attachment

James Bonds: He can keep it~

Daisy: I'm sending it to Peter XD

-)()(-

Agent Burke: I hate you

James Bonds: Hey, he's your son

Agent Burke: Come get your hat

James Bonds: Already got a new one. Don't need it. Besides, I'd hate to upset my favorite namesake ;)

Agent Burke: He's only your namesake on paper.

James Bonds: You called him Neal for the first year of his life. That counts

Agent Burke: Come get your hat or I'm throwing it away

James Bonds: You wouldn't

Agent Burke: sent an attachment

Agent Burke has been muted


End file.
